It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
