a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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