i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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