Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
