He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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