We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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