u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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