someone get that fucking seahorse.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
