You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
