I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
