I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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