No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
