I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
