is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
