I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
