It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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