That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
