Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Even my vagina gasped.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I fill condoms, not promises.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
