We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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