I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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