I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
