i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
