Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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