He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
