What tipped you off? The sombrero?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
