at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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