So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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