Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
