I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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