I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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