So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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