Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
