oh god the rape fog is back!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
