...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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