Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
