i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
