I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
