T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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