so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
