Can Purell be used as lube?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
