We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
