how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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