you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
