Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
