walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
