i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I've blown a few things in my day
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
