was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
