I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
