I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
