Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
