Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I currently don't understand fingers.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
