It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
