i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Are we still banned from the library?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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