I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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