The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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