My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
