Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize