My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
