Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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