I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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