Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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