How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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