Im at strip club and am horny
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize