glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
