How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
