cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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