My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
