I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize