I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
