butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
