Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
