OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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