what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
