I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
