Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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