my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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