Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Randomize
