By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
