No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize