Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
